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Monday, January 22, 2007

A Second Look at Coming Out
Written by Sonic Casuist (SC)
Moderator of EthioGLBT (North America Division)


The other night Ethiopian Lesbians hosted our first chat session with members, called “Talk to Me.” We had some great conversations and there was one in particular that I’m still thinking about.

I loved the coming out discussion; it was interesting to hear all of the different perspectives. I was very pro-coming out during "Talk to Me" (and still am). But, I wonder what I would do if I were the one faced with having to come out to my best friend who I'm also secretly in love with.

In my experience, coming out to my best friends has been relatively easy past the mini-inquisitions that they all like to give. I’ve always found myself having to answer a myriad of questions: “So does this mean you’re bi-sexual, bi-curious, bi-laterally intersected with the gay gene because you live in the states?” “Wait do you go down on women? Oh my god, if you go down on women then you’re definitely gay.” “Hmm but wait how do two women do it anyway?” And the list goes on… Yet, once I got past the interviews, coming out to my best friends was a walk in the park.

But telling my best friend that I'm in love with her is just plain scary to me. You're just leaving yourself open for so much…

SC: "Hey it was great seeing you again, gosh we've been friends for so long, I remember when we were in first grade together like it was yesterday"

Best friend: "ha-ha Yeah really, I'm so happy we're best friends"

SC: "Yeah me too, by the way the reason I'm not seeing anyone right now is because I'm in love with you and I've wanted to kiss you ever since you walked in through the door."

With that the words have escaped your lips and you can't ever take them back. If your friend flips out on you well then I suppose you'll have to pick up your ego along with your bruised heart from the floor and try to hold back your tears until after you leave the room. But, damn at least you finally came out and now you have your answer rather than pining after a dream that you're afraid to wake from. Hmm but, what if she answered, "then kiss me?"

I think we have been looking at coming out all wrong. Maybe it shouldn't matter whether the reaction of the people we love is good or bad. Maybe, coming out and/or being honest enough to tell some one you're in love with them is just something that we have to do in life. Like when we finally took off the training wheels from our bikes when we first learned to ride.


In Peace & Love