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Monday, January 22, 2007

A Second Look at Coming Out
Written by Sonic Casuist (SC)
Moderator of EthioGLBT (North America Division)


The other night Ethiopian Lesbians hosted our first chat session with members, called “Talk to Me.” We had some great conversations and there was one in particular that I’m still thinking about.

I loved the coming out discussion; it was interesting to hear all of the different perspectives. I was very pro-coming out during "Talk to Me" (and still am). But, I wonder what I would do if I were the one faced with having to come out to my best friend who I'm also secretly in love with.

In my experience, coming out to my best friends has been relatively easy past the mini-inquisitions that they all like to give. I’ve always found myself having to answer a myriad of questions: “So does this mean you’re bi-sexual, bi-curious, bi-laterally intersected with the gay gene because you live in the states?” “Wait do you go down on women? Oh my god, if you go down on women then you’re definitely gay.” “Hmm but wait how do two women do it anyway?” And the list goes on… Yet, once I got past the interviews, coming out to my best friends was a walk in the park.

But telling my best friend that I'm in love with her is just plain scary to me. You're just leaving yourself open for so much…

SC: "Hey it was great seeing you again, gosh we've been friends for so long, I remember when we were in first grade together like it was yesterday"

Best friend: "ha-ha Yeah really, I'm so happy we're best friends"

SC: "Yeah me too, by the way the reason I'm not seeing anyone right now is because I'm in love with you and I've wanted to kiss you ever since you walked in through the door."

With that the words have escaped your lips and you can't ever take them back. If your friend flips out on you well then I suppose you'll have to pick up your ego along with your bruised heart from the floor and try to hold back your tears until after you leave the room. But, damn at least you finally came out and now you have your answer rather than pining after a dream that you're afraid to wake from. Hmm but, what if she answered, "then kiss me?"

I think we have been looking at coming out all wrong. Maybe it shouldn't matter whether the reaction of the people we love is good or bad. Maybe, coming out and/or being honest enough to tell some one you're in love with them is just something that we have to do in life. Like when we finally took off the training wheels from our bikes when we first learned to ride.


In Peace & Love

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi read your entry and I felt touched I guess coming out is tough and akward i met this girl in a pub and in like nine minuites she tells me that she was gay. I was shocked as well as impressed with her [these things need adjusting to] we hit it off. Cruised teh town had fun and everything we call each other once a week. She did help dispell some of the stereotypes I had before

8:32 PM  
Blogger Andrew Heavens said...

Hi - Andrew Heavens here from MeskelSquare. Is there any way I could get in touch with you for an article I am writing. My email is andrew.heavens@gmail.com.

Cheers

Andrew

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting what a blog can do. Not a gay here, but i like the idea of you using the blog medium to achieve your goal and execute the way you did.

http://www.abesha.wordpress.com

11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FEAR GOD. DON'T EVER SAY YOU ARE ETHIOPIAN ORTHODOX TEWAHIDO CHURCH MEMBERS UNTIL YOU REPENT. IT'S NOT ETHIOPIA THAT WILL BE JUDGED ON JUDGMENT DAY IT'S YOUR OWN SOULS ONE BY ONE. THIS DAY WILL COME WEATHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. NO ONE IS PERFECT BUT, YOUR SIN IS NOT TO BE JUDGMENTAL BUT I AM SURE IS UNACCEPTABLE BY MEDHANI ALEM. PLEASE DON'T BE INFLUENCED BY WESTERNS. S. AFRICANS HAVE BEEN PERMANENTLY INFECTED BY THE EUROPEANS THAT THEY ARE ALLOWING GAY MARRIAGE NOW. YOU MAY CURSE ME OUT HOWEVER YOU WANT BUT, I WON'T. INSTEAD I PRAY THAT YOU REPENT AND SPEND YOUR ENERGY ON THE POOR CHILDREN DYING AS I TYPE. WHEN YOU CAME OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB AFTER 9 MONTHS OF HARD LABOR, YOUR PARENTS THANKED GOD FOR GIVING THEM A HEALTHY BOY OR GIRL. WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THE ALMIGHTY NOW? ASK YOURSELVES REALLY WHY? IMAGINE YOURSELF THAT YOU NEVER LEFT ETHIOPIA. WOULD YOU HAVE THOUGHT OF CHANGING? I DON'T THINK SO. INSTEAD OF BEING HARDHEADED AND ARGUE WITH ME, GO AND GRAB THE BIBLE. TRUST ME YOU WILL FEEL THE HEAT AND RETURN TO THE STATE THAT HE ORIGINALLY MADE YOU.

3:16 AM  

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